Look at this list. Trudgy, preachy, smug even I think. Honestly, I can be pedantic as hell. Maybe it’s something we all are from time to time. This one time I started writing down things that seemed to matter to me. It might have begun as something of a wish list for the kind of love I wanted to attract into my life. What would this person be like? What about them would I find appealing or distasteful? How would I like to be treated? And so on.

It was interesting what transpired: as I wrote I began to understand that this was less about what I wanted in someone else, and actually; quite precisely who I wanted to be myself. These qualities, this articulation, this idea of “goodness” – embarrassing as that sounds – is what I aspired to. This is who I want to be, and am (hopefully) on my way to becoming.

1. Know when to leave a party.
2. If someone wants you in their life they will make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for your spot.
3. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who constantly overlooks your worth.
4. Remember that life’s most important lesson is taught in an aircraft: put your own oxygen mask on first and then assist others.
5. If you love someone to the point where you ignore your own needs, you’re doing it wrong.
6. I can think of a lot of things that are far worse than being fat, short, pimply, hairy or whatever.
   Not being kind. That’s one for starters.
7. Self-centredness. Discompassion. Materialism. Disrespect. Prejudice.
   This is the real ugly.
8. I had a huge problem letting go of the past until I realised that my past was now my present and my present was determining my future.
9. You know how it feels when someone never lets you forget that one thing you did wrong?
   Yeah, you need to stop doing that to others.
10. If you’re not happy with the person you are, you will never be happy with the person anyone else is either. And that’s a fact.
11. Live and let live. I cannot begin to tell you how liberating it is to not be burdened by things that do not concern you.
12. You can’t stay in love with a pretty face or a great figure. Humility, a sense of humour, kindness, gentleness and peace is the new sexy.
13. If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you respond to it.
    And if you can’t do that, it’s time to go.
14. Assume nothing.
15. Sorry, but it’s not always about you. People have other stuff going on too. Don’t take everything personally.
    Make this a note to yourself.
16. Your mind is a fantastic instrument. Please don’t abuse it with harmful substances like gossip, speculation, fear, judgment, and worry.
17. Learn the difference between a constructive argument and a slanging match. One is usually louder, senseless, and will have no clear outcome.
18. Never miss any chance you get to give someone a compliment.
19. Life is too short to be with people who suck the happiness out of you, yo.