Look. When someone decides they do not want to love you anymore there is nothing you can do to change it. So stop.
I have learned the hard and slow way over time that it is less and less about you. It is about how they choose to feel. Months pass and you really don’t figure in their scheme of things other than an inconvenient detail. Like the corner of a table that jabs your hip each time you pass by it, you’re simply painful and in the way of things. There is no dearth of ways to let someone know they are that corner.
Today made me realise that is maybe what I am. And all the missing/crying/wishing/wanting/hoping/waiting isn’t going to change your mind. I guess I should apologise for hurting so loudly. I should say I’m sorry everything I feel finds its way to you. I wish I could make myself disappear as much as you want me gone.
I just don’t know how much more gone one can be. How much more invisible do I need to be? How much further, smaller, lesser, lighter, softer? How much lesser would you have me exist? Perhaps it is kinder to kill what is no longer alive.
To you, I cede. For you, I cease.
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I was once in this situation. And it really hurts to know that the other person thinks of you as just another annoyance. Dashed dreams and hopes, it’s very painful. But it passed for me, because I realize that I found the other person as an annoyance in the back of my mind as well.
A gorgeous piece of writing. I truly admire your work.
Reblogged this on Blog of Black Beauty and commented:
I feel like it was meant for me to read…..love it