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‘Comic Sans is for the humourless.’

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‘Arrigatto’ – Japanese for ‘In a while, crocodile.’

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It’s a bird! It’s a plane!
No buddy, actually it’s the flying fuck I do not give.

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CS Lewis once said that the Church existed for nothing but to draw men into Christ.
I am not sure if I am the only one who finds this slightly disturbing.

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Female colleague: ‘Men do nothing for me but I really don’t think I’m gay.’
Me: ‘Well, maybe you’re just… post-heterosexual’

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A dietician advised me today, that in order to lose weight I must avoid all white things.

That’s it then. No more dining with Caucasians.

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I can hear Akon playing somewhere. He sounds like he’s asking for food.
Akon. The voice that instinctively makes you put your hand out for alms.

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The keyboard instrumental version of ‘Voulez-vous’ is playing at the restaurant.
Now, all I need is to find a table to be caught dead under later.

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‘Muchos Gracias’ – Spanish for ‘what a graceful, lush handlebar you have.

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