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I just love grannies. I love their panties even more.

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If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, and it’s not a boomerang, it’s a fucking miracle.

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When life throws you lemons, you make lemonade.
My life throws me melons.

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My ex says I’m so bad in bed I couldn’t even turn a computer on.

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An Indiot is a moron of Indian descent.
And yes, he is usually going down.

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When she said role-play, I told her I’d be a doughnut.
That’s roll-like, right? It’s round like a wheel. And it um, rolls.

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I spent a total of 6 hours on the phone tonight.
I suppose I am now sufficiently qualified to be a call girl.

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I’ve come fitted with a faulty battery for Mondays.
It’s called Neverready.

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