~

Do not judge a book by its cover.
Unless it’s entitled Homeward Harlot or something, then I guess it’s okay.

~

If it’s sleep you need I suggest lying down.
Hitting beds and sacks is unnecessarily violent and will only make them resentful.

~

Prostitutes in the Navy! Serving the semen!

~

I’d rather die than date a necrophiliac.

~

I don’t know if God has a surname but I have a feeling it’s unlikely to be Damn.

~

This month’s TIME has a feature on which dinosaur’s bite would hurt most.
Is this slightly obsolete or is it just me?

~

There’s a bawling baby on my flight. This is not good.
Today, baby oil will be made in midair.

~

I know why God makes people gay. He wants them to be happy.