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In Uganda, calling a woman ‘fat cow’ is considered a compliment.
Do not try this at home.

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Staying hungry is a bad idea. After a point everything looks good.
Later still, everything starts looking like food…  Here kitty, kitty.

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When my eyes get droopy & my mouth drops open in an attractive, primal fashion, it is a sign I’m dozing.
Do not feed the Hippos.

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Food is a four-letter word. Like diet.
I feel like the English language has betrayed me.

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I can hear a baby here somewhere howling stupidly and I haven’t had breakfast.
These are not good omens.

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Ooh look, it’s 29 minutes past midnight.
Also known as eating Nutella straight out of the jar o’ clock.

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Sausages for dinner were not a good idea.
Several loo visits later I’m thinking, with franks like these who needs enemas?