~

Then there was that time I misread the signboard and found myself in a Marital Arts class.

~

The Huffington Post claims that women tweet 12% more than men.
This now takes a derogatory term like ‘bird’, to mean ‘internet-savvy female’.

~

You call them User Testimonials. I call them old love letters.
Potato, potahto.

~

Guess what George W. Bush did on Quit Facebook Day?
That’s right. He joined Facebook.
Next.

~

Huggies has now come out with jean diapers. Yes, because babies, apparently give a shit.

~

Everything is wrong with me.
In fact, the only right thing about me is all the stuff on the opposite of my left.

~

Back in the day, every day felt the first day of the rest of my life.
Now of course, every day feels like the first day of my period.

~

And now we return to your regular scheduled pogrom.