I long for a day without worry or panic or anxiety. For a day when my stomach can settle and begin to undo its knots. For when my mind will free of incessant uncertainties, unanswered questions and nagging doubts. When I can eat my dinner at the dining table alone and remember that it is just a meal and not a reason to feel lonely because it seems like the saddest thing to do at the end of a day. I long for a day that end with the promise of sleep not plagued by thoughts of all the things I want to forget.

My only relief is sleep. When I’m sleeping, I don’t feel the sadness or the pain. I am not angry or hurt. And I’m not lonely. I am just… surrounded by angels.