I am fascinated by spam mail. I heard from a certain or uncertain as the case may be, Stewart I. Flowers today. Now, I wondered for a moment or more, whether I knew a Stewart I. Flowers at all. But before my lingering mind investigated went any further, I happened to glance at the subject line of the email. This is what it said:

Grow an anaconda out of your trouser snake!

After reading that I was quite sure I did not know Stewart I. Flowers nor did he know me. For one thing, if he did know me he’d know I was petrified of reptiles.

In another incident, I am pleased to note that Geoffrey I. Chandler felt very strongly about the fact that:

You deserve to not be ignored by women!

Well, thank you Geoffrey. I did not realise I was being ignored by women. And it certainly did not occur to me that this might be the reason:

‘With people girls may say, that man’s skill as a lover is much more important, than the size of his love stick. But we all know, that privately, they affirm the opposite!‘

As a girl, I am famed-cheeked with embarrassment that our inner musings are now privy to the whole world! But at least there is hope for us ladies now, thanks to gentlemen like Geoffrey I. Chandler who truly understand the private workings of a woman’s mind.

As a man – which I am NOT – I think I am better off staying a girl. I have enough self image issues without having to worry about my love stick.

(Fucking mildly-amusing, mostly-revolting, non-existent, idiot-spammer.)