2/19/04 12:04:50 AM: Hold on in what ever context that you are comfortable with, even if it is silence. If it is silence, own it. This abandoning and abandonment, we both share it… Will you work on it with me in this life and those that have past? Will you work on it at a soul level? Will you stop making me prove that i am still here?

2/24/04 12:59:32 AM: i can’t leave you *****. Part of me married you… part of me needs to always be there for you, all of me loves you beyond the words and definitions of friend or lover. I can’t leave. I won’t leave I told you i couldn’t and you told me to hold on. I can’t let go… In the dark silence i’m still holding. I said unconditionally, i said always

2/24/04 8:59:50 PM: I need you to hear that i was losing myself. I sat here day after day waiting for you and you were less and less available. I began to crave you with such intensity.. Don’t you remember? I was afraid. I can’t explain it here..

2/24/04 9:27:41 PM: i didn’t write because i was afraid of making things harder on you. I keep trying to leave you to your solitude, but i can’t let go of you. I just can’t.

2/24/04 9:35:12 PM: Please don’t push me out of your life. Do what you said that i never did–look at the whole picture. Its a beautiful picture *****. Flawed, and sometimes painful, but no less beautiful.

3/28/04 12:55:34 AM: sometimes the wall between is tissue thin, and part of me still goes to you. I shouldn’t write these things. I keep quiet, save to draft, delete words, paragraphs, letters.. I only get into trouble when i write. Tender, nurturing, sometimes even maternal… and then there are moments…