Here is something I’d written a while ago for a brochure for a beauty salon. It started off with serious and good intent, but somewhere along the way it just degenerated into this bitching trash (like so much of what I end up writing) and ended up reading like this.

Of course the client didn’t buy it, who are you kidding?

Dear Client,

Do you remember the most beautiful day of your life? For some of you, it will be your wedding day. The day you tied the knot, the day you gave up your freedom and chose to be the slave of the man you thought you could love.

However, there are others who may never want to remember that fateful day ever again. But for those who are gluttons for punishment, Lakme Beauty Salon has designed a beautiful Anniversary package for you. Even though you may be depressed, repressed and miserable, at least you can make an attempt at looking halfway decent- your days of looking good are way behind you now, so let’s not even go there. And who better than Lakme, the beauty experts, to do that for you on this terrible, gloomy day?

So put down that bottle and stash away the razor blades for another day. Wipe the smudged mascara from your streaky, wrinkly cheeks and swish into the Lakme Beauty Salon today. Go home looking like a million dollars and deny your husband sex so he can at last feel bad for the way he has treated you. Because as women, we all know that is the only way to teach any man a lesson. After this, we assure you, he will never be the same bastard again. But by then you won’t want him anyway.

Change your look. Change your life. And change your husband.